I smell stomach acid.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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