so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
