He uses pillows to masturbate.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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