Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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