these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
