We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
