He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
