I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
