Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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