He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
