apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I look better un-naked...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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