ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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