So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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