Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
