I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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