I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
