I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
