In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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