quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
