i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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