I need help removing her.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
