So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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