he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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