I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
