Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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