I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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