The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
