Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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