you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't deserve a penis
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
