The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
