well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
