It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
