Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
