no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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