i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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