end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
