She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
