i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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