Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
