I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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