Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
