In the future we'll all be gay
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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