Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
