I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
