Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
