you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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