i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
