what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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