I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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