Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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