a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
