yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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