Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
