Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
