hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
